Remembering

Today is September 11th. President Bush is speaking on the television. I'm explaining to the kids, especially Rosie, what happened that day. It's not an easy thing to explain. "Why did they do that?" "I don't know honey. I don't know."

I remember exactly where I was when the towers fell. I was heading in to work, just getting on the freeway, when Peter Jennings' voice on the radio said "Oh my god, the tower's falling." Not knowing what else to do I continued on my way to work on the 22nd floor of a downtown San Diego high-rise. The second tower fell before I arrived at work. As the day unfolded the details unfolded. Many people didn't come to work at all. Those of us who were there weren't quite sure what to do. None of our clients were calling, nor where they answering the phone. It was a very surreal time.

As the gravity of the news sank in I vividly remember craving comfort. The comfort of my home, my family. Only two of my children were born then .... they were at daycare down the street from our house, but 20 minutes from my office. I was three months pregnant with my third. What if it wasn't over? What if something happened here in San Diego? What if I needed to get to them? Oh my god, I need to get home. Now.

So home I went. Bill was still at work. The house was quiet. The kids were safely oblivious four doors down. I was alone. With my thoughts. With my questions. With my craving for comfort. With a need to be grounded. To process it. To cry. To grieve.

Needing to connect with the earth in an attempt to make sense of it all I turned to the garden. We were in the midst of planting our backyard in our then-year-old home. With bare hands I turned the earth, pulled the weeds, needing to gain some control over an otherwise out-of-control day. I got dirt under my fingernails. On my knees. Smudged my face. With every weed I pulled harder. More quickly. The sun was shining hot and I was sweating. It was what I needed to do.

What is it about times of tragedy that cause us to turn to the most fundamental things? A connection with the earth. With our families. With those we love. In these times all but the most important things fade away. Material things become insignificant. It doesn't matter what kind of house you live in. Which car you drive. Whose shoes you wear.

And what is it about time that reverses this focus?

Cancer and life-threatening illness are an equal tragedy. I have told my husband, kids, mom and dad that I love them every day since this ordeal began. I intend to do that every day for the rest of my life, but I haven't always. I've been distracted by less important things, but vow to not let that happen again.

Peter Jennings died of lung cancer a few years ago. Since those 3,000+ people perished 7 years ago today, hundreds of thousands have succumbed to this disease and hundreds of thousands more, incluidng me, are in the throes of battle.

So on this day of remembrance, remember not only the events of September 11th, but remember the important people in your life. All of us are fleeting beings, and too often it is only after someone is gone that we reflect on how very much they meant to us.