Tough Day

Today we began the process of transitioning my mother to hospice care. She had a very bad day yesterday and had been so very weak. She was also having difficulty breathing. Tests revealed that the cancer has spread to her other lung. Those of you with access to her CarePage already know more details. I wanted to share this much here because many have commented or been concerned that I wasn't writing much.

I continue to do just fine. I had chemo #2 with little incident, save a couple of punky days and one low-grade fever. I continue my HBO treatments for another two weeks, and am still on track to complete chemotheraphy on 12/4. I've got the wig and the boobs and can now fake it 'til I make it real sometime in the spring. My own situation seems so inconsequential compared to my mother's.

The intertwining of the physical and emotional toll this is all taking is hard to measure. I am not in denial, but I guess a sort of disbelief and yes, a bubbling anger. What god or grand being would put one family through what we continue to go through? How much pain can one family take? What's the great lesson to be learned from this? What is it with my family and this damned disease? I hope with time this will become clear. In the meantime I am chanting the serenity prayer as it seems so fitting.

Please grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference

We are a strong family, have tremendous love for each other, have an amazing support network, and will get through this together.

We will be OK.